I’m currently going through a very complicated period in my life, as I’m mourning the loss of a relationship. I was brutally dumped a few months ago, and I have to admit that I’m having trouble getting over it... I’m going through all the stages of grief, except for the last one, which is crucial: acceptance. Once I’ve reached acceptance, I think I’ll really be able to move forward. In fact, it works for just about everything, let me explain.
First, let’s start by defining acceptance: it’s the ability to welcome and recognize reality as it is. We shouldn’t try to deny it, run away from it, or fight against it. This doesn’t mean that we’re happy to live in this reality, but that we’re resigned to the difficulties.
📌 With acceptance, you come out of denial and finally acknowledge what’s happened, as well as the emotions associated with it. |
👉 I know I’m not there yet. I’m still in the stage of sadness and sometimes denial 😔. Because yes, even though the stages of grief are presented to us in a certain order, we can go back and forth between them, until the moment it’s all behind us.
Well, I already said a bit in my introduction and in my title, but acceptance is essential if we’re to move forward. In fact, we need to understand that resistance to reality is what really makes us suffer, as psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar explained 🤕.
We’re only reinforcing our unhappiness by not accepting reality. That’s something I’m perfectly aware of, so I’m looking forward to getting to that point. I want to focus my energy on bouncing back and not on dwelling on a past that no longer exists.
Fortunately, it’s possible to have little peaks of acceptance in the midst of suffering. For example, I didn’t sit back and do nothing when I was dumped. I prepared for my move, I looked for accommodation, and I thought about my future 💭.
As I said, the road to acceptance isn’t linear, you can sometimes catch a glimpse of it in the storm.
Since the beginning of this article, I’ve been talking about my separation, but we have to remember that it affects many aspects of our lives. Stressful events, negative emotions, everyday challenges, etc. And we mustn’t forget that acceptance can also affect our bodies. Yes, we know that self-confidence isn’t innate and that loving your body and your personality is no easy task 😮💨 (we know this so well that it’s even Wengood’s slogan!).
This break-up was a real tsunami in my life 🌊. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get over it on my own, so I decided to see a psychologist the same day I was dumped (I managed to find a psychologist who had a free slot!). Then I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to get medication because I had quite a lot of depressive thoughts and I knew that the break-up would make it worse.
👋 This article may help you: What are the symptoms of depression?
Thanks to my therapy, I learned to ask myself these crucial questions: why was I refusing to accept the breakup? Why did it hurt so much? Of course, there are simple, surface-level answers, such as the fact that I was in love with the person who dumped me, but there’s also internal resistance. Deep inside of me, my fear of abandonment had reared its ugly head 😥...
Some people say you should keep a gratitude diary, but I’ve decided to keep a diary, including all things negative. As psychologist Carole Fantini says, all emotions have a meaning and a purpose. However, I congratulated myself every time 🥺. For getting through another day, for achieving something new, or even for expressing my suffering.
👉 It’s not about toxic positivity, because otherwise, you’re just manufacturing bogus acceptance....
In life, no matter how hard we try to think about everything, even to the point of anxious anticipation, well, something always happens that we didn’t plan for 😭. And the ultimate step in achieving acceptance is letting go of that. We can’t control everything, and we need to focus on what we can. I know it’s really difficult, but boy, it’s so liberating to tell yourself that it’s not your fault and that you have to let life take you where you want to go.
As the Dalai Lama sums up so well, happiness doesn’t depend on what happens to us, but on how we accept it. So let’s keep that in mind so that we can develop our resilience and bounce back from all the hard knocks 💪!
Editor’s note: A complex journeyAcceptance can be a complex journey, requiring courage and perseverance. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed on this path, don’t hesitate to consult a psychologist. A professional can offer you invaluable support to help you navigate through your emotions and move towards a more fulfilled life. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Lauren Hart
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