A few years ago, I realized something: I wasn’t happy. I was constantly comparing myself to people, and at the time I came to the conclusion that my life sucks. But with therapy and hindsight, I realized that it was my ambitions that were a bit too high. We’re always being pushed to set excessive goals, but that can lead to unhappiness. I’ll tell you why.
Let me start by giving you a very telling figure: according to a study carried out by Doctolib with the Fundamental Foundation, appointments with a psychologist have increased by 60% among 18-24-year-olds between 2019 and 2022. Admittedly, the pandemic has come and gone, but that’s not the only reason for the increase in appointments 🤔.
Overall, we’re much more dissatisfied with our lives. In fact, for many of us, there’s a persistent feeling of unease, without necessarily there being a triggering disorder (like depression, for example).
This is what I experienced several years ago, I was feeling marked distress because my life didn’t look like the one I’d planned: I didn’t go on holiday often, I was single, I didn’t own a house, I didn’t like my job... All these thoughts led me to a real depressive episode 😥.
Psychologist Nathalie Giraud explained that she and her colleagues are increasingly aware of this. And to fully understand where this comes from, we need to look at our representation of the norm.
👋 You may be interested in this article: What do all happy people have in common?
Our dissatisfaction is fairly symptomatic of the evolution of society and the impact of social media on our psychology. Let me explain 👇.
In the past, we built our representation of our reality and the future on the basis of our immediate geographical area. Our references were the people around us, family, friends, neighbors... It was a much more restricted framework, but it had the merit of conditioning life goals in a more modest and, therefore, more attainable way. If we failed to achieve one of these goals, in the end, we accepted it much more easily, because it was the norm 🤷♀️.
Nowadays, with social media, we’re constantly confronted with dream lives, with happy, super-beautiful people who often travel all over the planet and, above all, who are just like “us”, in other words, ordinary people, not celebrities. So we tend to think: I can aspire to this life too, I’ll make it one day.
We forget that this is a totally biased representation of reality. Social media is a curb to happiness, that’s a fact, confirmed by psychologist Christophe André, who explains that they lull us into a dangerous illusion that distances us from reality and causes us to feel unwell 🤕.
📌 Good to know 📌 On this subject, a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania showed that people who spend more than two hours a day on social media have a 13% increased risk of developing depressive symptoms, compared to those who spend less than 30 minutes a day. |
In fact, you need to understand that what used to be exceptional has gradually become attainable through social media and this has become the norm in our minds. The consequence of this is that we end up with:
We end up developing an intolerance to frustration because our ambitions are too high. Psychologist Stéphanie Hahusseau confirms this:
“When we set ourselves unrealistic goals, we expose ourselves to a feeling of failure and devaluation. [...] It’s essential to distinguish between healthy ambitions, which push us to surpass ourselves, and inordinate expectations, which can tip us over the edge into psychological suffering.”
It’s extremely vital to take a step back from what you see on social media. It’s not reality, just as a series is fictional. People only show what they want to show on the internet, and we need to remember that. Nevertheless, the best solution is to drastically reduce your use of social media. That’s what I’ve done, by setting time limits, for example.
What’s more, you need to set yourself achievable goals, even if it means breaking them down into lots of sub-goals to avoid permanent dissatisfaction. Just because we’re not living someone else’s dream life doesn’t mean that our own lives are rubbish. It’s just that we consume content that makes us feel that our lives are insignificant.
So to escape this, it’s important to stop comparing ourselves and to refocus on ourselves, on our own values and aspirations, rather than chasing after an idealized life, as Nathalie Giraud explains. Accepting life as it is, with its ups and downs, is the first step towards happiness 🙂.
Editor’s note: Head in the clouds, feet on the ground!The sky’s the limit, aiming for the stars is all well and good, but sometimes we forget to look where our feet are, and we stumble over the realities of life. If you often feel overwhelmed by your grandiose ambitions and life seems like a series of unliked Instagram posts, it would be wise to talk to a professional. A psychologist can help you rescale your expectations and find happiness in what you already have, rather than what social media filters tell you to desire. The road to happiness is often less congested when you take it at your own pace and with the right support. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Lauren Hart
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