“No, but you’re an artist.” “You see, you’re quite original after all!” That’s the kind of comment I typically hear from my friends on a regular (very regular) basis. Compliments? Not really. More like a polite way of letting me know that I’m out of sync with them, that I’m trying too hard, or not hard enough, that I’m different. And do you know what? I think they’ve got a point.
I’ve always done a lot of thinking, imagining, dreaming. When I was little, I was the one who stood out at school for being absent-minded. As an introvert, I didn’t go up to other people very easily, and that’s still a bit the case today. I much prefer to observe them, listen to them and think. In any case, whenever I try to broach a subject that goes a bit deeper – feelings, the importance of friendship, ambition, the feeling of emptiness, etc. – people look at me with wide eyes, don’t really know what to say, move on to something else, or make fun of me. I remember one day, in a discussion between girlfriends, I was talking about my partner, the feelings I had for him, what it felt like to be with him. 🙄 One of my friends asked me if I really felt these things, or if I was just paraphrasing from a book. Clearly, my ability to feel, analyze and testify my feelings puts me outside a certain normality.
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I haven’t detected hypersensitivity in myself, but undoubtedly hyperemotionality, the source of this feeling of being out of step. I feel and react in extreme ways, and I’m unable to hide anything. Inevitably, I stand out from those who’ve learned to control their anger or not to cry in front of everyone. It’s these strong emotions that make my life intense and also complicate it. I’m hyperempathetic and giving pleasure makes me irresistibly happy. I can spend hours, days, and weeks looking for the perfect gift or attention for someone. When I’m entertaining, I light candles, cook all day and go all out. I always overdo it. Nobody close to me goes to that much trouble, and I don’t take it well. For me, it’s like a lack of love, as if no one really wanted to get to know me.
I’m not sure we’ll ever feel any less different from anyone else. We’re all unique, and it’s enough to feel that sense of being out of step, that feeling of being misunderstood, for it to stay with you. That doesn’t mean we have to stay on the sidelines or force ourselves to fit in, disregarding who we are. 🧠 The key is to learn to understand and accept ourselves, and above all to stop fearing the gaze of others. It’s a huge thing, but once we’ve understood who we are, what we need and how to express it, things will already be a little simpler. It can also be an opportunity to try to understand others better.
😊 There will always be differences, but we may not be the only exception. Each of us has a uniqueness that sets us apart. By daring to be ourselves, we encourage others to be more natural too, and that’s how we create more authentic, deep and nourishing relationships.
Being gifted but unaware, hypersensitivity or Asperger’s syndrome can also be the cause of a feeling of being out of step. There are tests and professionals who can help and support you if you think your difference is linked to high potential, Asperger’s syndrome or a “dys” disorder (dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysorthography) or attention deficit.
The feeling of being different, of being the exception, can strengthen us, but it can also cause suffering and lead to depression. By constantly feeling out of step with those around them, some people end up deciding to live away from others, not to work, not to have friends, not to start a family, not to travel, etc., and risk missing out on their lives. That’s why the feeling of being unique and different, if it’s unpleasant, should push us to answer the question “who am I really?”, so don’t hesitate to ask specialists, therapists and psychologists for help in this process.
Editor’s note: Difference is a strength!Difference is a strength, you’re a unique person. We should be proud of this difference, but it’s not always the case. It can be difficult to bear at times, hard to feel out of step with those around you... 👉 If this feeling weighs heavily on you, hurts you or is a source of suffering, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist to discuss it together and understand what’s going on inside you. A few appointments will enable you to take responsibility for yourself and love yourself as you are. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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