“Today, I’m going to be selfish.” No one’s ever said that sentence, or at least I don’t think they have (if they have, I’m not aware of it!). At the same time, selfishness is pejorative. It’s true, when you say someone’s selfish, it means they’re only thinking of their own interests. Nevertheless, I think there’s a positive side to it, or at least you shouldn’t hesitate to make yourself your own priority. You can see what I’m getting at, right? Let me explain.
As we’ve said, selfishness is far from a virtue. According to the dictionary, here’s the definition of the word: “Excessive attachment to oneself and one’s interests, with little regard for the interests of others.” That’s not a very nice quality. I myself hate selfish, egocentric people 😅.
And yet…
I think a little dose of selfishness from time to time can’t do any harm. Let me explain: in my opinion, we should at least pay attention to ourselves. By this, I mean that it’s a good idea to listen to yourself and make yourself your priority. Why? Quite simply because you need to make yourself happy first before you can bring happiness to others. You need to get rid of the savior syndrome and give yourself time and attention. If you don’t, you end up having a burn-out and above all developing frustration and resentment.
You’re born alone, and you die alone, so you might as well make sure that your relationship with yourself is good, don’t you think?
💬 For a long time, I wasn’t aware of any of this. I preferred to focus on others, rather than myself 😓. In fact, I think it was difficult to look inward and confront my desires and fears. It’s scary to focus on ourselves and be objectively honest. |
Our flaws, our wounds, our dark areas… It’s so much more comfortable to ignore them, to pretend they don’t exist. But the problem is that by refusing to see them, we let them control us from the inside, giving them immense power over our lives.
We need to be ready to accept whatever comes our way, even if it’s painful, even if it doesn’t match the image we’d like to have of ourselves. We need to be willing to let go of control, to be vulnerable. And that, in a society that often values performance and success at all costs, is far from easy.
However, despite all these difficulties, looking inward remains an incredibly valuable and liberating exercise 🥺. It’s the only way to really get to know ourselves, understand our mechanisms, and transform them.
👋 You may be interested in this article: Why can't I make a decision?
Be careful, I’m not saying “if you don’t love yourself, no one else will”. The idea is to learn how to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself, by listening to your little inner voice so that you can make the best possible choices, the ones that soothe you.
Of course, it’s not a question of going too far in the opposite direction and becoming egocentric in the true sense of the word. I’m not saying that we should be indifferent and neglect others. No, empathy, altruism, sharing, and caring for others are important. The right balance is needed between taking care of yourself and being attentive to others 🤗.
Nonetheless, we also need to take care of our mental health by learning to say no when necessary, by daring to assert ourselves and stand up for our own needs, etc. As such, we lay the foundations for a more harmonious life, and we take care of ourselves. In the end, it’s not so much about selfishness, as clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly explains, it’s about soothing ourselves.
By being a bit more selfish in my own terms, I think we manage to be happier and ultimately more available to others when they need it 😉.
Editor’s note: Working on self-confidenceListening to yourself is a very important concept in psychology that can help you avoid a great deal of suffering. If we go against our feelings, it will be impossible for you to be happy. However, it’s not easy to assert your desires or opinions, there’s a lot of working on your self-confidence. If you feel that you lack self-confidence, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist. Thanks to therapy, you’ll dare to be a bit selfish, in the good sense of the word, of course! 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Rosie Harlow
Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always used paper as a punching bag. Get to know me, I am Rosie Harlow.
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