I’ve been complaining for a few years now that I’ve stopped making new friends. I have this feeling that people don’t come up to me... But it has to be said that I don’t go up to them either. I’ve realized that this is the mirror effect. It’s my behavior that reflects on others, and it works the other way around too! It can be positive or negative, but very often it reflects our own difficulties. Let’s see what the mirror effect reflects.
Carl Gustav Young explained the mirror effect as follows: “Everything we see in others is a reflection of ourselves”. Everything we do and how we act is reflected back to us by others. As a result, they allow us to learn more about ourselves. A bit like a young child who reproduces the behavior they see in their parents to develop and become aware of their own body. External reality is a reflection of our inner state!
🧐 Who is the mirror? The other person, with whom we exchange or have a relationship, whatever the nature of that relationship.
To understand the mirror effect, we can take the example of friendship. We generally make friends with people we value. We look to others for the traits of our personality that we like and the values that are important to us 🥰. It’s a mirror effect that can be described as positive, but most of the time it’s rather negative.
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In reality, the mirror effect is often a defense mechanism. We could say that projection corresponds to this behavior. We project our feelings onto others based on our own vision, which is how the mirror effect works.
Let’s imagine we hate someone for being self-centered and self-assured 😒. We think they take up too much “space” and only talk about themselves all the time, boasting about their virtues. We’ll feed these thoughts to protect ourselves. Deep down, if we have a problem with this person for this specific behavior, it’s hiding something else. Our negative emotions are caused by a lack of self-confidence and jealousy at seeing another person so comfortable 😥. In any case, good self-esteem can get you through tough situations, here's how.
👉 The mirror effect will reflect back to us a buried problem, through the resentments we may have towards someone else.
By understanding the mirror effect, we learn to turn inward to find solutions to our problems. This psychological mechanism conditions our lives and our relationships with others. We always think that others are the problem before questioning ourselves 😅. It’s important to constantly readjust and avoid developing false beliefs with the mirror effect. To find out whether the mirror effect applies to a problem you’re facing, you need to look inwards and perform introspection.
Let me take the example from the introduction to this article: I can’t seem to make new friends. I’m talking about real, deep, strong bonds, not acquaintances we see occasionally. But if I’m lonely, it’s not necessarily other people’s fault. Perhaps I don’t project an image that encourages others to come to me 😶:
👉 There may be a whole host of reasons I need to find within myself to understand my problem and my behavior. To do this, I need to get rid of my limiting beliefs such as “other people don’t like me” in order to correct the problem.
One of the most sensitive configurations to the mirror effect is when you’re in a relationship 😬. It’s difficult to manage such an intimate relationship with another human being, and we very often encounter tensions. We tend to easily blame the other person, without taking a step back. However, when our relationship runs into difficulties, we need to ask ourselves the right questions. If we don’t, we can end up getting stuck in misunderstanding and suffering, culminating in a brutal break-up 💔.
When we argue, we have the impression that it’s our differences that stand out, when in fact it’s the opposite. The other person reflects back to us what we criticize them for, in other words, our limiting beliefs:
We need to ask the question the other way around:
👉 The more we turn the problem upside down and reverse the mirror effect, the better we’ll be able to understand the problems in our relationship.
Personal development allows us to question ourselves in various situations, and it’s important to do so. However, we must be careful because sometimes we’re not at all responsible for a problematic situation. If you have a narcissistic pervert in your life, you need to look at it in a different way. Here are the traits of a narcissistic personality, by the way. You’re in a toxic relationship, and you’re being manipulated by someone who’s perfectly aware of what they’re doing.
What’s more, we mustn’t overlook the impact of psychological illnesses such as the symptoms of depression, which affect our social relationships. In this kind of situation, it’s crucial to get professional support and ask for help.
👉 Being kind to yourself is the best way to get to know yourself sincerely and free yourself from toxic emotions.
Editor’s note: A fascinating mechanismAs you can see, the mirror effect is a fascinating psychological mechanism! Before blaming the other person, take a look at yourself! What’s it doing to you? Why do you feel this way? Where does this feeling come from? 👉 However, spotting a mirror effect and understanding it isn’t as simple as it might seem, which is why it’s worth contacting a psychologist to understand what’s going on inside you. This work will enable you to put in place new behaviors that will improve your relationships and help you to flourish. 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Lauren Hart
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