"I never know where my path goes, but I walk better when my hand clasps yours." I love this Alfred de Musset quote so much because it perfectly illustrates how I feel about my relationship. It's also a great way to understand what my love attachment style is! Knowing how we attach to others, especially in a relationship, can help us understand how we function and how our partner functions. Here’s a full explanation for you.
Psychoanalyst, John Bowlby, determined 4 attachment styles that allow us to understand how we create a bond with another person. There are two determining parameters, our anxiety, and our avoidance. They are influenced by the creation of the bond with our parents during our childhood. It is therefore important to know and understand how we attach to others, for this, we must test ourselves!
Here, we will propose a series of questions. Answer them spontaneously, choosing the answer that most closely resembles you. Note which sign it corresponds to in order to count them at the end of the test: 🌹🔔☂️🌙. Here we go!
1. Throughout your childhood, your parents were:
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The test is over, you will be able to see which symbol is the most recurrent. Read what it corresponds to, but don't hesitate to take a look at the other attachment styles to understand all the mechanisms.
You have everything you need to have a calming romantic relationship because you have low levels of anxiety and avoidance. Your relationships are generally long-lasting, healthy, and satisfying. There are occasional bumps in the road, but overall, you manage to overcome them through good communication. In any case, it's not your emotions and fears that disrupt the relationship!
This attachment style shows that you have a high level of anxiety about the relationship, which reflects a feeling of abandonment. You feel insecure, especially because you were not reassured enough as a child, which created an emotional dependency in you. You have the feeling of being a weight for the other person and at the same time, you are afraid of being left, which makes you have negative emotions like jealousy 🤕...
You have little attachment, you prefer to be alone, and you have difficulty investing yourself in the couple. This is a behavior that usually reflects a rejection wound because your parents did not show you enough love during your childhood. You are afraid of commitment because you feel that you will suffer. You, therefore, prefer to maintain a distance and not to invest yourself so as not to relive this suffering, but this prevents you from building a lasting relationship.
This love attachment style shows that you have both high anxiety and a high level of avoidance. This is a reflection of a lot of pain and unfortunately, your romantic relationships are often toxic. You find it hard to get emotionally attached, or it's the opposite, it has to be full of passion, but it's fleeting. In short, you have difficulty understanding your relationships in general, and you often encounter difficulties.
It is important to keep in mind that this test is purely for entertainment purposes, it does not replace a discussion with a therapist. However, it can be a way to question ourselves by taking a step back in our love relationships. From there, we can try to go into introspection to detect our behaviors and defense mechanisms. We have them because we have fears that were provoked by our attachment to our parents. This influences our relationships once we are adults, which is important to work on.
👉 If you have emotional wounds that prevent you from fully blossoming, don't hesitate to be accompanied via therapy to truly understand what makes you suffer.
Modern technology has created new dimensions in how we form attachments. Dating apps, social media, and instant messaging have transformed how we connect, potentially intensifying our attachment patterns. Someone with an anxious attachment style might find themselves constantly checking their phone, while an avoidant person might use digital barriers to maintain emotional distance.
Recent neuroscience research reveals how early experiences shape our attachment patterns at a biological level. Childhood experiences literally wire our brains to respond to relationships in specific ways, but understanding this can be the first step toward healing. This knowledge helps explain why changing our attachment style requires both emotional and neurological rewiring.
While our attachment style may feel fixed, it can evolve with conscious effort and understanding. The key lies in recognizing our patterns and gradually building new, healthier responses to relationship triggers. This process often involves:
Each time we respond differently to our attachment triggers, we create new neural connections. This process of neuroplasticity means that even deeply ingrained attachment patterns can be modified through consistent, mindful practice. The brain's ability to form new pathways offers hope for those looking to develop more secure attachment styles.
Attachment patterns vary significantly across cultures, challenging the one-size-fits-all approach to understanding relationships. What might be considered anxious attachment in one culture could be viewed as normal emotional expression in another. This cultural awareness adds an important dimension to understanding our attachment style.
Editor’s opinion: An important step towards awarenessThis test can bring to light some of our behaviors in a relationship, it is a first step that can make you aware of your actions. Of course, it is not so simple, and it does not replace a consultation with a psychologist. If the same pattern repeats itself over and over again in your relationships, it is time to question yourself and make an appointment with a psychologist. Over the course of the sessions, you will be able to understand the origin of these behaviors and put in place new habits that will allow you to live happier relationships. 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Lauren Hart
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"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
- Oscar Wilde
